The definition of success (is not what you think)

I had brunch with a former colleague of mine earlier this year. He had recently left his job and I could sense he was wondering, “What should I do next?”

During our conversation, he brought up something that a lot of people do, which is the question: “What does it mean to be successful?” 

It's a tough question to answer because what we tend to highlight as “success” doesn’t always fulfill us.  In other words, we often highlight extrinsic rewards or motivators as indicators of success. Think money, employee headcount, outside investment, and revenue growth. We think about how many likes or followers we have. We think about titles, roles, promotions, and more.

As I continue on my journey with NextGen Center and partner with inspiring leaders and companies across all sectors, demographics, and experience levels, the challenges I see with defining success is this: people struggle to discover and understand what success means to them.

So when my former colleague asked me the question, I shared my thoughts with him: I equate success with fulfillment.

It seems like every month I encounter someone at the midpoint of his/her career who is receiving extrinsic rewards. They are making “good” money, getting promotions, and progressing up the company ladder. But something doesn’t feel right to them. They don’t feel as “happy” as they anticipated, or as they feel they “should” be. And they start wondering if what they're doing is what they're destined to be doing. 

From my lens, it’s not the extrinsic motivators that are holding us up. It’s the intrinsic ones. The ones deep inside of us that make us who we are and that motivate us to reach our potential. To ultimately fulfill us.

So when we think about definitions of success, it is not one-size-fits-all. It can’t be. Because we need to understand what success uniquely means for us. Based on who we are, and what we want.

For example, people who may have grown up in adverse circumstances, it’s possible money and security might define their success. For others, it might be pursuing a passion or idea. For others, it might be providing a better future for their family or children. Regardless of the motivation, the pursuit, or the goal, we have to discover and understand what it is that fulfills us. 

It’s a hard question to answer, but it is doable. In fact, all of the experiences, frameworks, and tools we provide at NextGen Center help people do that. I'm talking along the lines of awareness-building, values, strengths, and more.

But unfortunately, it's not purely an academic exercise. Meaning, it's very hard to intellectualize what it is that's going to fulfill you -- especially on an emotional level. And so the work is really done over the course of time, learning from experiences, and testing out new methodologies, habits, and behaviors to bring you closer to where you want to be. 

The good news: It is often within your control, especially as you intentionally build awareness and space to explore it. And with that awareness, you can choose to create change.

So what is my definition of success? It’s unique to me. Yours is unique to you. But if you're focused on having a career that you can be satisfied with and feel like you're rewarded, then, understanding what puts you in a place of fulfillment is where you may want to be.